Month: April 2016

Don’t cross the Cormorants!

Cormorants edit

They’ve taken our rock!


Stood there like Lords of the Manor – Pah!

Who do they think they are?!

They think they’re like us.

They can’t be! Mistaken identity!

A Shag is not one of us.

Never was, and never will be.

Well, they do look a bit like us.

What bit?!

Kind of every bit – all over.

They are just inferior upstarts is what they are!. Look at them – a shaggy mockery. Laughable!

Yes, look at the lack of stretch on those wings.

Not just the lack of stretch, the drag and the droop my dear!

Bloody cheek!

We’ve got to do something about this.

Reclaim that Rock.

That Rock is ours.

Always was, and always will be.

Right. Swim over – and Shoo them off!

What me?!

Yes you!

What do I do?!

You flap across and go Shoo! Shoo!! Shoo!!!

Shoo em who’s Boss?!

That’s right. And if that doesn’t work, I’m flying over and bombarding them with sprats!

A cross Cormorant

Is not to be messed with!

We are the Big

The Bigger!

The Better Birds!!

Words: Ian Nisbet, Illustration: Hazel Brown

S**!W***!!***I***!F***!T***!! ABOUT IT!!!

Swifts edit

Where’s the……?!

 Do you know where they are?!#?

Don’t ask me#!

I thought you’d bought them with you?!

I thought you had#!#!

And you don’t know either do you buster?!!

Eh? Not me – I never touched um*!*!

And what about you sunny jim?!!

Er no!, my beaks squeaky clean, honest guv!!

Look Missus, you’ll just have to go back!

Why me? Why should I always be the one traipsing off?!#**

You aren’t “traipsing”!. You’re a Swift. A Swift don’t traipse!. A Swift don’t trudge!! A Swift don’t trundle!!! How does a Swift go lads?#**!

Swift Mister!!!

That’s right!. So go on my dear!**!!. Be a good Missus!

Fly back as fast!********!

as fast as!**********!!

fast as fast!************!!!!

as a Swift can possibly!*******!!

swiftly be!********!!

And get them biscuits!**!**!


Words: Ian Nisbet; Illustration: Hazel Brown

Looking at the Leader

A picture from our afternoon in Brixham of Haze looking out over Berryhead at the trawler ‘Leader’.

Here is interesting facts online blurb about ‘her’

‘Leader is a former Brixham sailing trawler, one of the largest of her type ever built in 1892 at the boatyard of A. W. Gibbs in Galmpton on the river Dart’.

The Leder 1

You can hire her for a coastal ‘Adventures’; there’s a 6 day cruise down to Falmouth this month (£765.00 Offer! £495.00) Or you could explore the Highlands and Scottish Islands for 6 days in May (£810.00 Offer! £695.00)

You get the boat plus skipper, mate, cook and deckhand – “who are all full of interesting facts and stories”

From where we stood it looked tiny, like something out of a toybox.

Doors are what she draws!

Haze has a new job description: ‘The Drawer of Doors’!

She’s been going to town on the doors in my flat the last week.

This is the bedroom door thrown into the sea

Bedroom door

And the whole door looks positively coastal


The drawings you can see in the background are also Haze’s. I’ve got – at the last count – 19 of her pictures hung up around my flat. It’s turning into H Brown Galleries HQ!

Here is the inside of the bedroom door looking more moony with dusklight

Inside bedroom door

This is the kitchen door given a flowery flourish

Kitchen door

And this airing cupboard door I love – it’s the head of a giraffe. Not that Haze knew she was painting the head of a giraffe.

Giraffe door

A giraffe having a bit of a snooze (probably the thought of all that ironing to do – made him/her go very sleepy)

This is what you’ll see, be confronted with, if I open my front door

Nudey lady door

A nudey lady on the utility door. She can just about look, but she can’t say because she hasn’t got a mouth (yet) A Gobsmacking is on offer to any errant Jehovahs Witness who dares to come calling.

And look who we have here!

Mr Skittles

It’s Mr Skittles! Wondering what you are going to get him: lead or bonio?

He’s the best dog in the world is Mr Skittles because he doesn’t make a mess. And when you don’t want him around anymore – he vamooshes! Only to reappear when required.