Woody v Dovey

Woodie and dove edit

Illustration: Hazel Brown

I am a Wood Pigeon                                                              I am a Collared Dove
I am usually much bigger than him                                  I am a bit smaller than him
In this picture I have been misrepresen                        (Hee Hee Hee!)
ted by the drawer
In other words, she (H Brown) has cut                            I might be smaller but I can
me too much down to size                                                  box your ears mate!

You will hear me                                                                  You will hear me
Outside your window                                                         Outside your window
All summer long                                                                 All summer long
I will probably drive you bonkers                                  I will definitely get on your tits
With my incessant drone                                               With my insistent coo-coo-coo

What I am saying is                                                            What I am telling you is
“My name is Freddy”                                                              “I’m-hun-gry”
“My name is Freddy”                                                              “I’m-hun-gry”
“My name is Freddy”                                                              “I’m-hun-gry”

We go on and on and on and on                                    and on and on and on
Droning on                                                                         Droning on
Sorry about that                                                                I sincerely apologise I really do
I simply can’t stop it                                                       I really can’t help it
Because I’m trying to                                                     Because I’m wanting to
Drown the other bugger out                                           Drown the other bugger out
By boring him to death                                                     By boring him to death

If he would stop                                                                 If he would pack it in
And go away                                                                          And fly back to his wood
I’d leave you sleepy people in peace                             I’d shut my cakehole

But instead we are locked in                                             Interminably in
This stalemate                                                                      This stand-off
And I will continue                                                             And I will persist
To state my case                                                                  To assert my right
To perch here                                                                       To squat here

Droning on and on and on                                                and on and on and on

“My NAME is Freddy”                                                     “You-AIR-head’
“A loud Wood-PIGEON”                                                  “YOU!-fred-head”
“My name is FREDDY!”                                                    “You-ARE!-dead”
“I’m DULL! and deadly”                                                 “You-are-DEAD!”
“My NAME! is FREDDY!”                                               “You’re-DEAD!-fred”
“My name is FREDDY!!”                                                “You’re-DEAD!-FRED!!’

To be continued….verbatim……                                 the same old…. same o….
ad infinitum……..                                                             ….. endlessly…..
ceaselessly……                                                                    ….. incessantly……
pesteringly….                                                                     …… unquestioningly…..
mo  not   on   ous   ly…….                                                   mo   not   on   ous   ly……

                                              Till someone loads that gun!

Words: Ian Nisbet

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