Humour

Waving at the train!

A walk, and a picnic, down by the river Dart. Accompanied by the chuffy puffing of steam trains.

When you do a Haze-wave at a steam train you get a great big hoot on its honker.

Over here guv! – I’m not just waving, I’m clowning.

But I’m not walking down that train track Buster! – Pffff!!

Fancy a Shag?

Shags on rock edit

Is that a shag?

Am I shag?!?

Is he waving?

I’d better wave back, show some interest.

Just in case.

He is.

And he does.

Fancy a.

Cooee!!! I’m over here!

Over here my darlin!

Come and get me!!!!

Words: Ian Nisbet, Illustration: Hazel Brown

Mischievous Messages

Here is the message I put in my bottle. It’s meant to be a bit cryptic (the vodka bottle its sloshing about in gives the game away really)

Message in a bottle edit

Haze wrote this version out for me. My less lovelier copy is in the bottle. And here is my typed version

I was Alive once

I lived the life of a

I saw how ± could be overcome by Қ

I kissed foamy Ͽ from the mouth of a Ố

I caressed Ộ out of Ѽ with my velveteen tongue

I tasted the sweet nectar of slippery ѯ Goddesses

I sauced the secret § inside a bottle blonde Angel

I tipsied and tippled upon the Ỷ of her Tiddly

I corked Ŭ and Ế with dipsy dark ČĉĉČ

I lashed and monstered a row of 12 ÅÅ

I ≈≈≈ upon a rosy glowed bevy of Θ

In high spirits I communed with a skinful of ∫ ŠŞ∫

I heard occasional ♪ interspersed with ≈ silences

I experienced Ѽ torrents of white brilliant ecstasy

I was sometimes abashed but never a Щ Ƹ

I felt often amused and rarely !!

I made amends in lieu of ⱶⱵⱵⱵⱶ

I knew every ₸ of every Ԏ in the kingdom

I understood that to be Ấ is to become λ

I realised I could never thread the Ĭ through the Ń

In minutiae I marvelled, in great Ⱳ I gasped, and fell φ ing

I wished for ζ but got ₪ instead

I sought Solace instead of ¥ Surrender rather than Ҩ

I stayed true to my ∞ remained ∆ and speechless

I loved } ± Ѽ ± { dearly

When I, finally, lost my Ĩ I totally went ₲ Ấ Ğ Ä


And now I am here ŘїїÞ

No more •

To φick up the ₱ieces

Read the Яunes Ұ

Mix the Мєέessages

Sea the ŚĬĞ₦š

Make the MischiҼҾҿ f

Unfortunately we didn’t make a copy of the message – and 2 little sketches – Haze put in her bottle. But anybody who rescues either of these bottles from oblivion and lets us know who, and where, they are – will be rewarded with a Devon cream tea!

A Pair of Funny Kickers

We like our rugby do me and Haze. Watched most of the games in the Six Nations this winter.

The idiosyncratic goal kicking styles of the Welsh and English No 10’s have especially caught my eye (and made me smile)

Below is a little of vid of clips showing:

Dan Biggar ticcing and quirking his way through what seems like an obssessive Neuro-Linguistic-Programming fidgetting ritual.

And England’s Owen Farrell turning his gaze towards the goalposts like some swivel-headed Bird of Prey locked onto a mouse.

 

The Rhinofish

One of the fish in my goldfish bowl has grown a protruberance

Rhino fish 5

It keeps charging the other fish around and around the bowl and butting them in their dorsals. It’s poked one catfishes eye out.

Rhino fish 7

Its got a right old temper this little zebra fish.

But a zebra it is no more. It’s evolved.

Into the ferocious rhinofish – with a horn!

Rhino fish 6

Henrietta Winda Spida (Take 2)

So Henrietta my bedroom winda spida is still here. I reckon she’s been up there on that window ledge for the last 2 months. She ain’t going nowhere.

I did frighten her a bit a few days ago though; blocked her little corner escape exit. I wasn’t wanting to hurt her; merely get a better – closer – look at how beautiful she is. Anyway, she disappeared for a couple of days, probably in a huff; most decidedly put out by my crude intrusion into her perfectly ordered and organised life.

But she’s back now. Every morning when I wake up she’s there, sat dead-still on her web, waiting for her cornflakefly breakfast.

Henrietta? – go and make me a cup of tea, you lazy madam!

Video: Ian Nisbet

330 Seconds is all you need to……

The new 330 second Method of Mindfulness Moment Making Malarkey.
Devised by Dr Nibblebits and Professor Brownblurts.
Every situation gets the 330 sec wraparound
To make it sparkle! . . .

Dr Nibblebits: 330 seconds to count down . . .
To boil an egg . . .
To brew the tea . . . .
To make a mark . . .
To cook a sprout . . .

Prof Brownblurts: Grab a coffee..
…..Make hot choccy…

Dr Nibblebits: 330 seconds is all you need to rob a bank…..
Or steal a steak . . . . .
Or catch a fish . . . .
Or take a break . . . .

Prof Brownblurts: Put on lippy…
…..Feed the Lily ….

Dr Nibblebits: 330 seconds before time to go……
Prof Brownblurts: …..330 seconds to say bye bye.. to blow a kiss..!
Dr Nibblebits: …..330 seconds to make it last . . .