Humour

A Pair of Funny Kickers

We like our rugby do me and Haze. Watched most of the games in the Six Nations this winter.

The idiosyncratic goal kicking styles of the Welsh and English No 10’s have especially caught my eye (and made me smile)

Below is a little of vid of clips showing:

Dan Biggar ticcing and quirking his way through what seems like an obssessive Neuro-Linguistic-Programming fidgetting ritual.

And England’s Owen Farrell turning his gaze towards the goalposts like some swivel-headed Bird of Prey locked onto a mouse.

 

The Rhinofish

One of the fish in my goldfish bowl has grown a protruberance

Rhino fish 5

It keeps charging the other fish around and around the bowl and butting them in their dorsals. It’s poked one catfishes eye out.

Rhino fish 7

Its got a right old temper this little zebra fish.

But a zebra it is no more. It’s evolved.

Into the ferocious rhinofish – with a horn!

Rhino fish 6

Henrietta Winda Spida (Take 2)

So Henrietta my bedroom winda spida is still here. I reckon she’s been up there on that window ledge for the last 2 months. She ain’t going nowhere.

I did frighten her a bit a few days ago though; blocked her little corner escape exit. I wasn’t wanting to hurt her; merely get a better – closer – look at how beautiful she is. Anyway, she disappeared for a couple of days, probably in a huff; most decidedly put out by my crude intrusion into her perfectly ordered and organised life.

But she’s back now. Every morning when I wake up she’s there, sat dead-still on her web, waiting for her cornflakefly breakfast.

Henrietta? – go and make me a cup of tea, you lazy madam!

Video: Ian Nisbet

330 Seconds is all you need to……

The new 330 second Method of Mindfulness Moment Making Malarkey.
Devised by Dr Nibblebits and Professor Brownblurts.
Every situation gets the 330 sec wraparound
To make it sparkle! . . .

Dr Nibblebits: 330 seconds to count down . . .
To boil an egg . . .
To brew the tea . . . .
To make a mark . . .
To cook a sprout . . .

Prof Brownblurts: Grab a coffee..
…..Make hot choccy…

Dr Nibblebits: 330 seconds is all you need to rob a bank…..
Or steal a steak . . . . .
Or catch a fish . . . .
Or take a break . . . .

Prof Brownblurts: Put on lippy…
…..Feed the Lily ….

Dr Nibblebits: 330 seconds before time to go……
Prof Brownblurts: …..330 seconds to say bye bye.. to blow a kiss..!
Dr Nibblebits: …..330 seconds to make it last . . .

The Barenboim Beat

Haze and I were watching this Friday night Proms concert from a couple of months ago. Daniel Barenboims florid (some will say ‘passionate’ some might say ‘histrionic’) conducting of the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra was fascinating. So much so, I stopped listening to the music completely and filmed a few clips of him ‘performing’ instead.

For this video I’ve muted what he conducted and substituted something that matches, or exaggerates, his OTT flamboyant antics.

No doubt he’s a very lovely man. But some of the slashing and swiping he does with his baton is a bit, er, scary.

Vid: Ian Nisbet

The Sun is Saying Poems

Simon Barmybits wakes up, picks up his pen – well, his mobile phone

And attempts to sun the morning in….

….Inside pigeon grey sky sits sun calmly roosting . . . .

……A pale poached morning of runny yellow . . .

…….The sun sat on slow simmer bubbling up summer . . .

…..The sky munching in morning through a gassy gob of sun , . . . .

…..A ducky sun is slow slopped in slips of sky . , . .

…..The sun pokes its tongue out and raspberry farts the day! . .

Simona Brownybits wakes up, picks up her quill – well, her mobile phone

And attempts to sun the morning in

…The sun slithers soft…soon silenced by slinky shadows soaking the scene…..

……The sun all glare and glister…leaks her liquid light…..

……The sun straddles the land with her knickers down…..

Simon Armitage? You are out of a job mate!

Special Shop

Are you able to text me what you would like from Lidls,? (Hazel)

Get me a bumper pack of Zowiees. ….

A large tin of Happy . . .

And a bottle of that bubbly Joy . . .

Oh . . And a slice of your fingers on toast if poss . . . .

Oh . . . And a big roll of “I Love Yous” . . .

They are on special offer this week . . . .

Fankyooverimooch!! . . . . . (Ian)

Keef and Candace Marie are Spwingwatching

Keef and Candace Marie are watching Springwatch with Chris Packham and Martin Hughes-Games. Not 2 Nuts in May – but April! (Are Chwis, Marting, Keef, and Candace Mawee)

Keef: Shall we join the big sPwing watch Candace Marie? . . Pweese say yes
Candace M: Oh yes pweese Keef!
Keef: Ganets are weally wemarkable qwetures
Candace M: I lub Ganets Keef…bit smelly tho…They got their posh puffer jackets on..Keef…
Keef: Chwis Cackbum loves his charts and gwaffs.
Candace M:: Cwis is a little bit close to that clifff edge…he loves talking about…POO
Keef:  Stop being a siwwi biwwi Chris Packbum!
Candace M: Pweese Chwis Pakbum . . Not poo again!. . You are a vewee vewee wude man.
Keef: That Marting is also a silly sausage . . . Its getting Blue Peterish now.
Candace M: Bawwy the Badger…Cwis Pakbum..snorting badger!! Ok!..
Keef; Bawwi the badger . . Gwaat! . . . This is vewee vewee exciting isnt it Candace Mawee?!
Candace M: Vewee vewee vewee! vewee!!
Keef: Pwimwoses! . . . Marting is back . . . zzzzzz .
Candace M:  Marting is a vewee borwing man. Just like you Keef!
Keef: You like borwing Candace Mawee!
Candace M: I do. Borwing is nice! Like me.
Keef: Whats he on about . . Naffodils!! . . Pakbum . . No cake for you!
Candace M: Cwis Packbum’s puffer has taken off!
Keef: We got to get counting and spotting Candace to help the BBC save The Planet. . .
Candace M: I want to save The Planet!. It’s why I plant all my lickle seeds in all my lickle windo boxes Keef!
Keef: You are a good girl Candace! Could you count all the wild furwwy qwetures too and be even gooder?! . .
Candace M: I will start tomowwow Keef!!
Keef: You will get a special Blue Peter badge Candace. From Marting!
Candace M:  I will shine! Like a lickle star!
Keef: My lickle Gold Star. Is what you are Candace Mawee
Candace M; Oh thank you Keffie baby!